Let me tell you about Harry Potter. He lived with the Dursleys until he was eleven. I know, right? It’s so embarassing. I don’t even…whatever. So then in First Year, he got a letter from Hogwarts and became friends with Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger. And Snape was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if Harry would blow him off to hang out with his friends he’d be like, “10 points from Gryffindor”. And Dumbledore was like, “Why are you so obsessed with him?” So then, for his final year at Hogwarts, which he actually skipped to find Horcruxes, Harry was like, “Snape, you can’t be involved, because I think you’re a Death Eater.” I mean, he couldn’t have a Death Eater hanging around when they were trying to defeat Voldemort. I mean, right? He was a DEATH EATER. So then Snape became the headmaster and started showing off his Patronus which was the same as Harry’s mother’s, it was so retarded. And then he got caught and somehow learned to fly and jumped out of a window, and when Harry saw him for the last time he’d been bitten by a snake and was totally dying, and now I guess Harry’s named his kid after him.